When War is not War

Several “wars” have been conducted since World War 2, but none have actually been declared wars by Congress. Only Congress can declare war. Has the Executive Branch, with implicit consent from Congress, sidetracked the Constitutional process?

Wars are typically defined as one nation state fighting against another. The current situation, called the War on Terror, does not meet this requirement. Might it be more accurate to say we have a military action against a terrorist syndicate?  Why is this important? Because if we do not examine it more carefully, reasoning becomes a casualty. A war should have a definite beginning and end to fit the historical pattern.  Can we realistically expect the terrorists to be defeated any time soon?  Imprecise language is a handicap because it leads us to make false assumptions and projections. No war lasts indefinitely. The language of “War on Terror” follows the “War on Drugs” and the “War on Poverty” as moving targets that knows no boundaries and cannot be hit. We are fooling ourselves to speak of the drug problem, the poverty problem and the terrorist threat as things that can ever be defeated.

Peanut Butter Tips

Remember your elementary school days when you tried to trade your baloney sandwich for a peanut butter and jelly one? Well it seems that peanut butter (smooth) has several uses.

Shaving: Former senator Barry Goldwater once shaved with peanut butter while on a fishing trip.
Remove Sticker: Those stickers that are put on jars can be removed with peanut butter and water.
Make Peanut Soup: Peanut butter is the main ingredient in recipes for peanut soup.
Remove Bubblegum from Hair: Rub a spoonful into the bubblegum
Remove Model Glue from Furniture: Simply rub peanut butter on the dried glue.
Grease a Car or Truck Axle. George Washington Carver developed axle grease from peanuts.
Trap Mice or Rats: Bait a trap with peanut butter.

From Tips Household Tips and Hints.

10 Pet Peeves Dogs Have About You

1. Blaming your farts on me...not funny…not funny at all!

1. Yelling at me for barking…I’M A FRIGGIN’ DOG, YOU IDIOT!

1. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

1. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose…STOP IT!

1. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why I chew your stuff up when you’re not at home.

1. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain!

1. Taking me to the vet for “the big snip,” then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!

1. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven’t quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

1. Dog sweaters. Hello?? Haven’t you noticed the fur?

1. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you’re just jealous.

Now back off on some of these things. We both know who’s boss here. You don’t see me picking up your poop, do you?

Coned Off

It is interesting to watch the evolution of the English language. The central issue is that language is dynamic and changes in ways that cannot be predicted. I was listening to the radio this week and heard the following: An accident on the freeway caused sections of the road to be "coned off." I had never heard that expression before. This is an example of a noun changing into a verb—not unusual. But I find it jarring to hear a new construction nonetheless. I’ll just accept it because there is really nothing we can do about it.

Where The PC Revolution Went Wrong

The PC Revolution is about 25 years old. The promise was that PCs would be in almost every home and they would contribute significantly to our lives. There would be few downsides. They would be user-friendly and not require an advanced degree in technology to use. That was the promise, but what is the reality now a quarter of a century later?

Microsoft has put out one buggy OS after another. Minimal improvements have been made, but even those have required replacements every three or four years. In between, there are countless updates and security holes in need of plugging. If you don’t do the update dance, your computer slows down to crawl, spits in your eye and then dies. The longevity of a sunset is greater than that of a computer’s operating system. So much for convenience and efficiency!

There still no satisfactory antidotes for hackers, viruses and corporate mischief-makers who put spyware on computers.  And there is nothing easy about maintaining a computer. First, an anti-virus program is mandatory, as is a firewall (software or hardware) and then several antispyware programs (because no one does the job completely). In addition to the constant expenditure of money, there is the time and effort it takes to maintain your machine. An education is required to figure out the glitches that routinely affect computers.  If my toaster gave me as much trouble, I would throw it out the window on a regular basis, aiming for passing cars. After you add it all up, a computer is no bargain in terms of time, effort and money.

What are we the consumers to do?  First we need to demand software that is completely tested before it hits the shelf.  Second, internet-providers should be required to take care of anti-virus, firewall and anti-spyware needs on their end. Stop bothering users with this nonsense; they are busy earning a living. If you bought a book to read, would you settle for one with half the pages missing?

If computers were as simple as television sets, then, and only then, will their promises be fulfilled. But don’t hold your breath-- because the lack of oxygen might cause you to pass from this Earth!

Genie Stuff

A man taking a walk saw a genie lamp on the ground. Being curious, he picked it up and decided to rub it. After a few minutes a genie emerged. The genie announced that he will grant the man one wish. The man scratched his chin and said: ‘’I don’t like crossing the sea by boat or plane. I would like to go by car. Build me a road that goes from the United States Mainland to Hawaii.
The genie replied: “Do you know how difficult that would be, with all the concrete and pylons? Give me another wish.”
“OK,” said the man. “Tell me how a woman thinks.”
     After a long time, the genie said, “Do you want two or four lanes?”

Six New Year's Resolutions

1. I resolve not to make any New Years Resolutions, thus removing the possibility of my failing to keep them. Nobody can claim I failed Philadelphia when I never tried going there.


2. I resolve not to get upset with or criticize politicians for the stupid things they say or do. I’ll make my position known at the ballot box and throw the rascals out, thus lowering my blood pressure and economizing in my use of language.


3. I resolve to use my language with my family or friends telling them how much I love them. Words are finite, so why should I waste them on foolish things.


4. I resolve to break any resolution that others make for me because I get a thrill out of upsetting their apple cart. Spilled apples are good for the soul and keep us humble.


5. I resolve to interfere with resolutions others make for themselves. I’ll offer a piece of cheesecake to anyone on a diet every chance I get. Life is not that easy and it’s about time they learned it.


6. I resolve to stop this list before I end up insulting everyone.